Pain and Pleasure

Learning a beneficial skill can be painful—especially as we navigate the process of doing something we've never done before; applying ourselves in a manner we previously thought impossible.

In the end though, we are usually grateful for the "new heights", and new possibilities that become attainable, as a result of the new skill.

Likewise, pleasure (though good and desirable) in excessive amounts, can weaken one's defence; lead to the unnecessary squander of resources, and establish a platform for long lasting addictions to occur.

Should we therefore, always seek pain, and ignore pleasure?

The answer to that question, is, "Balance and limits".

Life is supposed to be lived to the fullest, but with limits. Sometimes pain is only a harbinger of good things ahead.

Pain is NOT always bad. Pleasure is not ALWAYS good.

Making decisions in Teams

Decisions

When making decisions within a team, It is important to differentiate between:

• Individual preferences (what we want),

• Individual convictions (what we feel is right),

• And the things which each individual classes as “essential” (what we can’t do without).

When every preference (what we want) is classed as an essential (what we can’t do without), it can be hard to reach a satisfactory middle-ground.

To get around this, each stakeholder should be given the opportunity to order the different decision dependent variables, based on their perceived levels of importance…

Order the different decisions to their own “taste”

Then gradually, but patiently, the different lists should be compared and contrasted, until a satisfactory conclusion is reached.

That way, all members will feel valued, no one will feel cheated, and everyone will have contributed in one way, shape or form, on the agreed outcome.

inspired by “New Thinking, New Future” - Dr. Samuel R. Chand

Content Trumps Charisma?

Over the years, I’ve learnt that, whilst gimmicks, analogies, presentation styles and approach (amongst other things) are key to good publicly delivered speeches, nothing - absolutely nothing beats having good content. If your ideas are meaningful, well thought out and liberating, then people will learn to absorb the goodness of it, whilst ignoring and or forgiving your presentation skills or lack of it.

Even though this is aimed at those in need of developing their confidence, it is important to note that, the very best communicators have learnt how to cleverly present their ideas in easily digestible chunks, that were also easy to refer to, to be appropriately implemented in times of need.

From my observation, the biggest hindrance that continues to act as a gulf between life changing thoughts and their public delivery, is the fear of the perceived versus the actual. In the sense that, the perceived fears of how badly a speech might go versus how well people might actually receive it, is big enough to deter the average person from sharing.

As someone who has been privileged to speak for over a decade, I find it important to mention that, this feeling of fear arises for everyone-no matter how good or how experienced, and at the most inconvenient moments too! Despite this, one of the major tools that the best communicators have utilised to combat this, time and time again is, a POSITIVE MINDSET!

Having an initial “Can do…This makes sense…This is good…This will be well received” attitude might sound simple to some, but has proven to be paramount and foundational towards the preparation, delivery and reception of any speech. In other words, if you don’t believe that what you have to say will be well received, why should anyone else?

Because energies and beliefs can be perceived by others, it is important to exude positivity, even within one’s self prior to the delivery of the speech itself.

If you find that coordinating your thoughts in speech like manner is still something you struggle with, be rest assured that all hope is not lost! As long as your content is true, easy to follow and presents basic levels of cohesion, then your ideas will be well received.

Always remember though, that there is a next level. It’s one thing for your ideas to be received, it’s another thing for those same ideas to be portrayed in such a manner that they excite, push an individual to want to make change and remain relevant in the mind of said individual till the time of need.

As I conclude, below are some of the things I believe all communicators (regardless of experience) should always consider when preparing a speech.

• The central thrust/idea to be shared. (So that we don’t stray unnecessarily from this theme as we build a case during the speech).

• The length of time allocated. (It is imperative that we don’t attempt to cram all we know into the little time allocated. No matter how much ones tries, or how much time one has, it will never be possible to say it all. Highlight the most important points, choose the very best highlights and then stick to time!).

• The application of each point listed (as it applies to the lives of the listeners). This is important for the aid of visualisation. “If they can see it, they can do it”. This means including occasional stories, biographies, analogies, diagrams, videos, live demonstrations...anything that helps bring each point to life.

There is a lot more that can be said and or considered, but the fact remains...If you have to deliver publicly by choice or find yourself in a non-negotiable situation either through work or by means of relationship (weddings for example) the best thing to do is to know your stuff thoroughly, practise sufficiently, and deliver confidently.

Sometimes the audience don’t react immediately, but once the truth of one’s content and the passion and enthusiasm of delivery is perceived from the audience, then the people will opt for the change that you advocate for.

Don’t let the fear of your skill level, hold back the quality of your content.

Share. Speak. Deliver!

On the 1st of September, I’ll be sharing some more practical methods which will deal with overcoming fear, nerves and the negative mindset that has hindered many from delivering the best of themselves when speaking.

Exaggeration is tempting!

The Temptation…

Because of how much easier it is to convince people with “Bigger” and “Better”, communicators are always faced with the internal battle of exaggeration.

Unfortunately, several communicators opt for, and settle with the expanded not quite true, not quite false version of events.

The question then remains: “Is there a balance that can be struck, such that one is able to utilise the sense of ‘bigger’ and ‘better’ without lying or exaggerating?”

The answer is an emphatic “Yes! But with caution.”

For example, if you spoke to 600 people during a gathering, making a remark like, “...I spoke to about 1000 people...” would fall into the category of, “Not quite true, but not quite false.”

Whereas, if you said, “I spoke to hundreds of people...”, that would class as a good way of utilising the “bigger” and “better” (which plays its part in adding credibility at times), without erring into the “Not quite true” category.

Exaggeration is one of the many points addressed at the Public Speaking Masterclass. The next one will be on the 31st of this month, in Manchester. In the masterclass, I share some more insight that I’ve been able to garner over the last decade of publicly speaking. I hope to see you there! Registration link, with further details below!

I got a 3rd Class...

As I glance through Social Media, I see several graduation images accompanied with captions like, "I just graduated with a First class...So happy to have obtained my 2:1! Chapter over, on to the next one..."

This post is for those that might have failed to attain those coveted end results for one reason or another.

I always say that my life is a testimony and people wonder why...Well, in 2015, I found out that I was awarded a 3rd class! And that even after my re-sits, I would have to wait until the following year to qualify for graduation. In that period, I didn't get grades that I could proudly post about, neither was I sure what would become of me or how I would navigate on from that point in my life.

Fast forward to now, and though I still have a long way to go, I want to use this opportunity to encourage those that might feel like they failed. You haven't! Yes, you find yourself in a position where you might need to go for some extra training, or pass through a different non-traditional route, or change short term plans altogether...because you are still alive, there is HOPE!

You might not feel worthy to post or might feel like you've let yourself and family down. But I want to personally encourage you to use this period and what you were able to gain (no matter how small), as a reminder and as part of your drive & motivation going forward.

Your grades can help, but will not determine the final outcome of your life. Take some time out to reflect on areas you could have approached better, list down all the positives that have come out of the process and time spent at university, and then with the help of some advisors, formulate a new life plan. You can still do great things in life!

In another post, I'll highlight some of the practical things I engaged in that have helped me along the way. In the mean time, please don't lose hope! Please don't give up! This set-back might be painful, but don't allow the pain hinder you. Instead channel it! All will be well!